November 5, 2006
-
Commitment. What an amazing concept it is! I remember many years ago when our children were small and we were living in the mountains. We were visiting some friends who had recently married. The wife had been in charge of the preschool in Breckenridge before we moved to Telluride. They were expecting their first child, and I was so excited for her. So she asked several of us who were married what we thought were the most important things in a marriage. Each of the three couples had different things to say, but Nick and I agreed that commitment and forgiveness were the most important attributes in a successful marriage.
She actually got annoyed. What about love? I told her that if there wasn’t forgiveness and commitment that love would die. She didn’t believe it. Three years later she and her husband were divorced. Twenty-eight years later we are still married. Many of those years were very hard, and it would have been easy to blame each other for the problems. We still have problems, but I still stand by my conviction.
I asked my mother what she thought was most important. She and my dad agreed that respect was most important. They were married 48 years before my dad died. They also made an agreement that they would not both be angry at the same time. She said many times she would realize he was angry so she felt she had to wait her turn. Many arguments were diverted by that decision. I’m afraid that is not the case with Nick and I. I’m not so self-controlled, but we work it out.
I’d be curious to know what some of you others think is most important in a successful marriage.
Comments (10)
Commitment is so very important in any task you attempt. Don and I met on a blind date and eloped a year later. We just celebrated 40 years and many said “it will never last”. If I had to pick one thing that held us together it has been that we both love the Lord and place Him before anything else. (But of course, that encompasses forgiveness and respect).
Speaking from the unmarried side of the fence–I consider commitment and respect to be vital. I look at that when I meet a man–can I respect him and do I really want to commit the rest of my years on earth to him? Yep, that’s what’s kept me from getting married!
After many years of marriage (16 to one, 20 to another) I’ve found communication to be a vital asset to successful marriage, along with the commitment, respect and forgiveness. Sometimes a good healthy sense of humor is necessary too!!
I think you have it there – people fall into and out of love very easily, but love is a choice -and in order to keep that choice you need committment and forgiveness. But I also agree that humor is important, as is time alone with spouse – my husband and I have breakfast dates after kids are off to school. We have been married 19 years.
Heather
This is awesome & principles that would support most of our relationships, not just marriage. God’s word encourages us not to let the sun go down on our anger – resolve things & quickly. This is all good stuff!
I asked Mom and Dad last time I was home, and they said “Trust”.
Obviously all the love in the world won’t stop a marriage from failing. I like your answers very much!
As a young unmarried man with only one relationship where he gave it his all, I don’t know if I have much to talk from. But I would phase it differently. I think …
A successful marriage is built on the simultaneous striving to satisfy all the needs of the other.
Whether that is desribed as respect, commitment, forgiveness, waiting to share your troubled thoughts, I think this is what makes it “happen”. It doesn’t work if no one is giving or if only one is giving and other is simply taking. But if both are looking out for each other, there is trust and truly deep fulfillment. Now if only I had the experience to go along with my hypothesis…
After 16 years of marriage and currently going through an unwanted seperation I have a very raw outlook on this question at this time in my life. I do believe all of the things mentioned above are all so important in a marriage and definitely contribute to it being successful. However, I have to believe that commitment and forgiveness are among the top. If I had to say what stands in the way of a successful marriage it would definitely be pride and selfishness. If only I could go back and have a do over. Everyday things in life take over and we forget to consider the other person and what they are going through. It is such an easy trap to focus on ourselves and our own stresses and hurts. Of course there will be times when one is able to give more than the other but that is where commitment comes in. No one person can fulfill all of your needs, that is expecting too much of someone. It is important to realize that your spouse will disappoint and fail you at times but that is where forgiveness comes in. If we work on being confident in who God made us and relying on Him to fulfill our needs it would be so much easier to give all of ourselves to our spouse and to love them where they are at, not expecting perfection.
It’s funny how we are never angry at the same time, either. (Without the agreement though). Usually when we have an argument, I do, and my love has no idea. And then I finally decide to tell him what I’m mad about, he explains what he was trying to do or say and it’s all over. Lucky us, so far. But we’ve only been living together for 2 years (and together 4 1/2) so I’m sure it might yet change..