April 21, 2007
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I wasn’t sure how I would feel when my Mom died. We had been expecting it for quite a while. One Thanksgiving several years ago, she went directly from dinner to the hospital for internal bleeding. It seemed every holiday was her last, yet she still hung on. I prayed that when she died it would be the perfect time, that all would be done.
I never expected to feel such a sense of loss either. I guess our relationship had healed somewhere along the way. We were definitely not close when I was young, I’m still not sure why, but I do know that it was not entirely the fault of either of us. Maybe someday in heaven I’ll understand.
Comments (8)
I am glad that she got to sing Jesus Loves me to the new baby!! That is a precious memory….she must have sang it to you too!! I am sorry for your loss.
Even though my mom lived almost 2000 miles away, and I only saw her once a year, I always thought about her during the day. Knew that at a certain time she would probably be sitting on the sofa with her cup of coffee, reading the paper. Or knew that at a certain time in the afternoon she would be watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, her favorite shows. When she died, I couldn’t envision that anymore. There was an emptiness. She was cremated, and I never thought I would do such a thing, but I had a few of her ashes put into a tiny 3″ urn, and brought it back with me. It is sitting up in my display case among the angels she collected. So, in a way, I still have her with me. Some people think it is “gross” (mostly grandkids), but it is comforting to me. I cannot envision her in her home anymore, but I CAN “see” her here—–even though I know she is in Heaven. Does that make sense??
Words can never really describe the grief, articulate the loss or begin to bear the heaviness of heart that sometimes comes. Healing is coming when you smile more than you cry when reminiscing. Praying for you today~
(((((((((hugs))))))))) I am glad you had healed some of the hurt, even though the pain is there, I think it would have been worse if there had not been forgiveness. I will keep you in prayer.
We had someone from Texas preaching in Albany this week, Steve Solomon (Praise in the Night) I put up his teaching if you are interested.
Heather
It is always sad when the matriarch passes. She was the glue that held Christmas and Thanksgiving together. She always had her seat in the middle of everything. I am very sorry for the loss for you and for your sisters. She was an amazing person who was a renaissance woman who did so many things in her life. I know that all of our lives will be changed because of the loss.
Sounds somewhat similar to what I experienced when my Dad died. I believe I think of him more often now than I did when he was alive. We were close when I was young as we worked together in the farm fields. About three months after my Dad died I was sitting with some people and I suddenly started crying. I realized then that I was crying for him and for missing him even though I had not had him or his death on my mind when I started to cry. Hope you get what I am trying to say.
I’m so sorry.
Sorry to hear that! Hope you are ok.