I thought once summer started I would be posting all the time.  It sure hasn’t worked out that way.  I have begun swimming laps at the city activity center again.  I find that I spend a lot of time pondering things there.  Swimming is such a solitary activity most of the time, especially swimming laps. 

So last Sunday marked the end of an era in my family.  My father’s last sibling died at the age of 90.  He was a quiet, rather peaceful man in a family of noisy opinionated leaders.  I found myself mourning the loss of the whole generation.  The World War II veterans, survivors of the Great Depression and the parents of my generation.  Some of those old soldiers never did recover from their stints.  I know my father never did.  I can’t ask any more questions now or find out what it was like.  They are all gone.  But, you know, even when they were available, we didn’t ask, and they certainly didn’t want to answer.

They were a remarkable family, my father’s brothers and sisters.  There were 8 of them, and together they accumulated 17 college degrees.  Most of them earned doctorates. Their mother had a teaching degree too, but their father only finished 4th grade.  They left their black dirt farm in central Texas and became attorneys, preachers, univeristy presidents and professors.  They were smart from their ma and hard-working (or good-looking) from their pa, as he used to say.  I wished I could have learned more. I wished I had known them better.  But I was a rebel and left home early.  I only went to a couple of reunions after I moved from Texas to Colorado. They didn’t understand me any more than I understood them.  Still, I wished it had been different.  I realize in retrospect that we probably would have liked each other if I had just had the courage to break through that generation gap. But I didn’t, and the time is gone.

I have learned from my teething grandson that sympathy is not a solution.  It does make the misery easier to handle though, and he smiles a sad little smile with tears in his eyes as he frantically bites on his teething ring.  Poor little guy!  He is too young to be cutting teeth yet.  Yesterday he was three months old, and already he has an eye tooth.  Ouch!!

On May 25th I first mentioned this problem. At this point I was hoping to post good news, but it is not to be for now.  On Wednesday I went to the Retina Specialist to see if we could figure out what is happening to my right eye.  For several months I noticed that my right eye saw things differently than my left.  Things were smaller and out of focus.  Then a couple of weeks ago I noticed that the lines on our blinds pinched in at the center of my right eye’s vision.  Not long after, I saw an article that showed  picture of how someone with macular degeneration sees things.  It was what I was seeing.

The opthamologist couldn’t figure it out so I was referred to a retinologist to get some incredible pictures of my retinas.  This we did on Wednesday.  That afternoon I got a call from them.  The caller’s first words were, “I’m sorry.  I have some really bad news.”  Oh, my gosh, my heart literally stopped.  My mind was racing. Was I going to be blind!? Then he continued, “The pictures we took this morning didn’t develop right and we have to do it again tomorrow.”  That is definitely not BAD news.  That is an inconvenience!!  When I met the technician, I commented that whoever called me had a diabolical sense of humor. He looked shocked.  “I called you,” he said.  I really had to laugh.

So yesterday morning we worked our way through Austin traffic and arrived around 8:30 for round two. They dilated my eyes, and we waited in a darkened waiting room for half an hour. Then we went into a dimly lit examining room to get the pictures of my eye’s retina. In spite of his unintentional humor the day before, the technician was very kind and gentle. Nick stayed with me this time, and perhaps that is why it seemed to be easier. Maybe the fact that is was a newer digital system helped too. I was shot up with yellow dye to define the blood vessels and see what was happening behind the retina.

Later the doctor explained the results to us. I have a disorder called Bilateral Parafoveal Telangiectasia. It is very rare, and I could find only a little about it on the internet. It is a clump of twisted dilated blood vessels under the retina. The problem is when they leak and form a bubble that distorts vision. There is no reliable medical treatment. It may progress, stay the same or go away. Surprisingly, I have it in both eyes. In the left eye, it is contained, but it has grown and “leaked” in the right eye.

For some reason, the words: unknown, mysterious, rare, no treatment; had a claming effect on me. If there were treatments available, I’d feel the need to try. Knowing that it is on God alone that I trust in very comforting. Of course I’d be trusting God even if there were medical things to do, but somehow having it totally in His hands feels so much more reliable and trustworthy.

Please be praying. I know that long-term prayers become forgotten, but I really do want healing. I want to be able to see. I want to know the faces of my children as they grow older and of my grandchildren as they grow up. I want to be able to continue teaching. I need to see well to do a good job. I am a very visual person. The prospect of losing the ability to see details is very sad indeed.

Thanks to all of you who offered support when I first noticed there was a problem. It really does help to feel others care. 

I was tagged by cltgrace.  My information isn’t nearly as impressive or interesting as hers, but I enjoyed doing this.  Thanks for including me. 

The rules are: People
who are tagged start by thinking about 7 random facts/habits about
themselves. Each player then must write about those seven things on
their blog, as well as include these rules. Players then need to choose
7 people to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave each person
a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.

I choose: Rebecca_Brite, AmericanGuera, mimiwi, clarechiara, AggieDimitri, FritzlerMama, LoneWolfEND

So the little known facts:

1. Nick and I, with a hyperactive three year old and two dogs, once lived in a volkswagen van for three months in the Colorado mountains in the ’70s.  We moved from the van to a tepee at which point I gave up and left.  We obviously made up since we are still together, but one stipulation was that I had a house! We’ve lived in a house ever since!

2. Both of my grandmothers graduated from college around the turn of the century (1800 to 1900).  Both had teaching certificates. My mother, two aunts and two of my three sisters all have or had degrees in education and were teachers at some point.  I swore that I would never be a teacher.  In 1994, forty-six years old, I finally got my teacher’s degree.  I absolutely love it.  Some things are destined to be, I guess.

3. When my children were little, I baked most of our bread.  I made 7 loaves at a time.  We ate one immediately, hot out of the oven. I also had a couple of milk goats, 12 to 50 chickens for eggs and meat and canned 300 to 400 quarts of fruits and vegetables every fall. 

4. When we first got together, Nick and I made a deal that I would stay home with our kids until the youngest one was in school.  Then I would only work while they were at school.  So when our oldest was six and in kindergarten, we had another.  When she was three, we had another.  When he was 5, just before kindergarten, we had our last.  I stayed home for 17 years before our youngest went to school.  She came with me when she was four years old, and I started working as a teacher’s aide. That resulted in my becoming a teacher at their school. 

5. My daughter says this is interesting.  Whenever I say I am going to clean the house, I go outside and burn brush, weed the garden or mow the lawn.  Needless to say, our house if often a mess, but at the end of the day, I smell like smoke, grass or dirt and am very happy!!

6. When one son was playing basketball in high school, we didn’t have a camera for two years.  Ever since, I take dozens of pictures at every game and give copies to the parents.  I know what it is like not to have pictures of a special time.

7. At my school most people think I am strict and inflexible, but inside, I struggle every time I have to discipline a student and I often secretly cry over their hurts and disappointments.  

It’s maddening!  At least to my dog it is.  He has a mortal fear of thunder.  Several time in the past week, I have waken up to him breathing into my face, trying to get in bed with us.  That is absolutely forbidden!!  OK, at least touch me and tell me I will survive, he seems to say.  So I force him to lie down and place a hand on his head so we both can sleep. 

This afternoon it is again thundering.  I could tell even before I heard it myself.  Suddenly every time I tried to go anywhere, I was stepping on our big dog.  A few minutes ago, he tried to climb into the tub.  Now this is a serious storm.  He only does that when the thunder is really bad.  Many years ago when he was a small puppy, his former owners used to put him in the tub, wrapped in blankets when it was storming.  It was his place of safety.  Only once in a great while does he try to go there again.  Poor guy!!  He must think the whole world is yelling at him!

So I am wondering.  When we hear frightening noises or words, what is our bathtub?  Where do we go when it is too much, and we just want to be wrapped in a blanket and assured that we are safe?  And how many of our “enemies” are just noise and no real danger at all?

Our oldest granddaughter turned 13 today.  What a delightful girl she is!!  We have been blessed to have her visit often and stay long enough to really enjoy her.  She is full of interesting ideas and good conversations.  Lately she has become a great photographer and a whiz on the computer.  We love you, girl!!  Happy birthday! May all your dreams come true and your prayers be answered!

When my kids were growing up, I was always concerned about the “in-law” jokes, especially those about mother-in-laws.  We were always protrayed as such a negative lot.  I wanted so much to have a good relationship with my children-in-law.  I wanted them to see me as another mother, and, hopefully, that would be a good thing.  Nick and I were so far away from both our parents for the first 15 years of our marriage, so we had only minimal relationship with either set of parents.  I had little to go on.  Then Nicole joined our family. 

She added a clarity and decisiveness that we lacked.  For many years we were very close friends.  Problems came though, and for a season there were differences.  But we are restoring what we had, and never during that hard time did Nicole do anything to discredit us or alienate us to our grandchildren. In fact, in spite of whatever was going on, she encouraged the girls to love us and visit us.  I am incredibly grateful for that nobleness of character.  I am also thankful that we are restoring our friendship.  I had missed it! 

Happy Birthday, Nicole!! 
No depressing in-law jokes for us!!  Just a great friendship!

Another birthday for us.  Dimitri’s birthday was the one most likely to have a party.  It seemed to take me a couple of months to get moving on them.  We often celebrated all the birthdays at once on his.  What a fun kid he was, and what a great man he has become. 

One of my favorite memories of Dimitri was when he was five years old.  His little sister was about 8 months old and it was around Christmas time.  I woke up one morning to find him in her crib with her.  He was sitting cross-legged in a corner singing to her while she laughed and kicked.  His song was “Joy to the world, the Lord is fun!”  I’ve always said he defaults to a good time. 

He was such a fun baby, I prayed that I would be able to share him with my family who lived a thousand miles away at that time.  I felt selfish having him all to myself.  Little did I know that my prayer would be answered by his going to Europe to live and work. God’s family is all over the world, you know.

Happy Birthday, D.  We all love you and I am glad we get our share too.  May this year bring great blessings!

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I wasn’t sure how I would feel when my Mom died.  We had been expecting it for quite a while.  One Thanksgiving several years ago, she went directly from dinner to the hospital for internal bleeding.  It seemed every holiday was her last, yet she still hung on.  I prayed that when she died it would be the perfect time, that all would be done. 

I never expected to feel such a sense of loss either. I guess our relationship had healed somewhere along the way.  We were definitely not close when I was young,  I’m still not sure why, but I do know that it was not entirely the fault of either of us.  Maybe someday in heaven I’ll understand.